Not what you think or feel about the breakup itself. Better still, share happy, upbeat updates rather than grief or problems on your mind.
It is hard to ignore the one you love. You will desperately yearn to reach out and talk. Until recently, this was your significant other, your boyfriend or girlfriend. As such, you should remember why you are doing it. There are other reasons, but the above are the main ones.
Pay particular attention to 1 above all others time to heal. The no contact rule is not always possible to follow. The first step is to find out if your situation will work with this rule. If any of the above describe your situation, you must not completely avoid your ex. Instead of blanking them, reduce the frequency of conversation. And when you do communicate, remain diplomatic and practical.
If the silent approach is applicable for you, your next decision is to work out how long it should run for. Well, a few days of no contact would be too short for most situations. Whereas a few months would be too long with exceptions. Note: I made a no contact calculator to figure out the duration. It would help if you did this long enough to give the both of you ample space. A few days is not enough! And one week is too short as well, except for specific cases remember, breakups are unpleasant, so you must wait for the dust to settle.
When couples reunite years later, they are not getting back together because a marathon of silence worked. Consider this: After the breakup, your ex will be thinking more about the bad times you had. But, with enough breathing room, they will also remember the good times. This is why most of the success stories you read mention the pivotal role NC played in helping their lover to reconsider the decision to separate. So, does no contact work every time? Yet the benefits go beyond whether or not you get back together.
As such, it does work in at least one way for everyone. And as I hint above, you can tweak the rules to improve the chances of winning your ex back. One way or another, treat this as a prerequisite step for what follows the breakup, whether you want to reconnect with your ex or not.
Seeing how you just broke up, chances are good you are making avoidable mistakes. This way, your former partner will not hear from you directly or indirectly, through the proxy of someone else, including friends and family.
Therefore staying in touch with their friends and family is generally not done. I even recommend you avoid checking their Facebook profile, etc.
Because it spoils the benefits you stand to gain when you pursue such activities. Once you understand how leaving your ex alone is more for your benefit, you will appreciate the value of tending to your own life. Spying will lose its appeal. Use every moment to close the gap between where you stand and your potential. Even though you may not feel like doing anything, you should make the most of the additional time you gain from exiting a relationship.
You may feel depressed after a breakup and want to stay home. If true, I urge you to consider getting help. Being passive is a big mistake. Please do not wait around watching the clock. Be active. Be obsessed with improving your health, your appearance, and your mindset.
You want to get to the place where you are thriving in at least one area of your life. Single or not. I have definitely been on the receiving end of the inappropriate "happy birthday" text, and I have also sent a few in my lifetime. The first question for someone to ask themselves before reaching out to an ex is "'Why am I reaching out?
What are my intentions? Remember, reaching out under any of these circumstances will result not only in bad conversations, but also in bad relationship karma. Kirsch also offer some scenarios where your intentions may be more pure, and reaching out to your ex would be OK:.
It might be a good idea to screenshot this list and keep it in your phone for when you're drunk and feel like reaching out to that ex you still aren't quite sure if you should be talking to, because as Kirsch says, "boundaries after breakup are important":. Down the road, you can take another look and decide what you want to keep. If your partner left things behind, a respectful option is to box them up until any no-contact period has passed.
Then, send a polite message letting them know you still have their belongings. Mutual friends will probably want to know what happened after a breakup. They might get two very different stories, and gossip can become a problem in some situations. If friends have heard an untrue version of what happened, you might want to share the truth.
Try to avoid an emotionally charged response and offer the facts calmly, without saying anything negative about your ex-partner. Keep in mind some friends may take sides. But you can avoid playing into gossip and drama by resisting the urge to say negative things about your ex. Following a breakup with one partner, you might find yourself drawing closer, both physically and emotionally, to your other partners. Just keep in mind that they might experience some emotional fallout from your breakup, too.
As you adjust to having one less partner, you might want to talk with your current partners about:. Again, avoid talking badly about your ex. This is especially important if one of your partners still has a relationship with your ex. The exception? If your ex was abusive or put you in danger, it might be wise to let other partners know. Breakups are often rough.
In fact, many therapists specialize in helping people work through breakup grief. But try to remember that things will get easier as time goes on. Breaking up is never easy, but there are short- and long-term steps you can take to recover from a breakup so you can move on to healthy, trusting….
You love your partner, but things just aren't working. Time to break up? Learn when it might be time to throw in the towel and how to do it with…. Going through a breakup can be traumatic. What is important is to constantly be mindful of why you are reaching out, what you hope to gain from it, and what caused you to break up in the first place.
Home Lifestyle Why contacting your ex after a breakup isn't the worst thing in the world. Why contacting your ex after a breakup isn't the worst thing in the world. Yoav Fisher Updated Jan 22, pm. FB Tweet More. Credit: NBC. No Sex. We all know how sex can muddle feelings.
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